BAD RELATIONSHIPS

Hello guys!

It's been a minute, I hope you are well.

So today, I want to speak a little bit about critical issues that some of us face in relationships. Critical issues that some people may not be aware of or choose to overlook for whatever reasons.

First thing first, I just want to say that relationships are not always black and white. While some people enjoy being in relationships/being married, some go through difficult times. 

People don’t usually speak up about problems they face in their relationships for various reasons. Could be “what would people say”, “where i am going to go from here”, “I can’t do it on my own”, “my religion doesn’t allow this”, “who will love me like this”, “we already have kids” and so forth.

Apart from little arguments most people have, there are four big issues (to my opinion) that some people don’t talk (but need to) about until it’s too late.

• Narcissistic people

These type of people will be perfect at first. They will do anything to win you over. (By words and actions). Once you are fully committed/invested in a relationship with them, everything changes. Everything you do becomes a problem to them. They will put you down, say hurtful things, call you hurtful names, make you feel like you are always wrong, never apologize, never compromise, never listen to whatever you have to say. Such behavior. These people like to make everything about them. They don’t care at all about other people’s emotions. These people will make sure you don’t leave them. They may either promise to change or simply saying things that will make u doubt yourself to leave. Sometimes they may go a long way to find ways to hurt you when you try to leave. They just play with mind and emotions, and sometimes it may get physical.

If you are in a relationship/marriage where you are the one apologizing even if you are not in the wrong or you are making excuses for your partner’s wrong doing or just the feeling like everything you do is wrong and such, then you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person.

• Physical abusers

Some people find themselves in relationships with a physical abuser and are scared to leave or talk about it. It may be because of traditions/cultures (in some tribes, people believe being beaten by your husband is love) or there is also this tendency of the abuser being apologetic and promise not to do it again after physically abusing you but actually keep abusing you over and over. 

• Loveless relationships

Sometimes relationships are simply loveless and/or forced. May be people have had a child and decide it is “wise” to be together as a couple. Sometimes the force is from relatives because of either because of material things or simply "we like this one and not that one". I just want to say that people should be free to choose whomever they want to be with because at the end of the day this relationship is about and for them two and not the whole clan.

• Relatives

Then there are these. (I can't). Some relationships/marriage don’t last because relatives just want to meddle in couple's affairs. For instance, you may find (and these are the things we see in our society) your husband’s relatives are so dependent on him because may be he earns a lot or you may find they are always following on what you are up to/how do you live/what do you eat and why, and such. And if your husband doesn’t know how to stand his grounds then you are doomed. You will be left uncared for because his priority is his relatives. 

As I said earlier people go through bad relationships but don’t talk about their issues or simply do not know what to do or simply not aware of what is happening. 

At least I have seen and heard women try to speak about issues they face (women may speak to their friends/relatives/parents) but men aren't vocal about their issues. And yeah! Men do get hurt too. Just so you know, they have feelings too. There are cases where men are the ones abused emotionally and physically but you will probably never hear these because men don’t like sharing either not to be laughed at or being seen as weak. But this really needs to stop. 

Just so you know it’s okay to move on and you do not need to scared. You just need to take a step. 

If you have kids then co-parent or find a way to raise them on your own or with other people's help. Two people do not have to be in a relationship if things between them are not working out even if they have kids.

Remember that none of the above is love, none of the above is healthy for your mind and body. Love is not supposed to hurt, not like that.

Lastly, you can not change a person. Not really!. Some habits can be broken/stopped I believe, but one has to decide for him/herself to change. Some habits just do not so really do not wait until something you can't recover from happens. 

Please take good care of yourself

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rachel Stephen