EMOTIONAL ABUSE

"Nothing is more damaging to your confidence and self-esteem than being in an emotionally abusive relationship or family"

What is being emotionally abused?

This is abusing someone psychologically. Most of people don't take this seriously. Let me start with an example. As a child, John's parents never appreciated anything he does. Whenever he failed in school or broke a glass at home or misplaced something (neither small nor big mistake), he was called names such as stupid, useless, not good enough, careless, clumsy. (U name it). Parents would yell and beat him up. Now John is a grown man but that same voice (parent's voice) keeps ringing in his ears, "u are not good enough", "u are stupid". He keeps to himself, doesn't voice his opinions, let everyone bully him, doesn't socialize with other people thinking who am I to speak, everyone else is better than I am.

Don't get me wrong, even the Bible says a child should be disciplined BUT your actions shouldn't be demeaning him/her or lower his/her self-esteem PERIOD.

Some parents go beyond to blame their children for their own mistakes or blame their children for their mothers' death during birth. Some parents don't want to accept the way their children are (physically or mentally) so they keep forcing them to change to whomever they want them to be. It's just not fair.

Sometimes children hear what you say to their mother/father. They grow up thinking that's the right way of living.

This is not only applicable to parent and child relationships also a man and a woman relationship. We have all witnessed relationships fall apart because of an abusive man or woman. Abusing someone is not necessarily beating him/her up. Your words matter.

I get it, sometimes anger makes us say things we don't mean. We handle anger differently. Say, you are angry at your girlfriend/child for doing something wrong and you call her bad name. May be you didn't mean it, its just anger. What you do afterwards matters a lot. Do you apologize sincerely for calling her a bad name? Do you try to work on your anger so that, that doesn't happen often?

Few signs that you are being emotionally abuse:

• You are being called names like stupid, careless, not good enough etc
• Your partner is not there for you during your difficult times. Wants to be about him/her and not about you.
• You are being criticized instead of being admired.
• You are being discouraged instead of being supported. 

For everything offensive you say/tell/speak to/about someone today affects him or her in one way or another later in life.

Here are few effects of emotional abuse:

• The need to please your partner or parents
• Live in fear i.e fear of making mistakes and be beaten up, fear to make friends as you think you are not good enough
• The need to let everyone else speak and give their opinions but not you
• Seeing everyone else is better than you
• Allow bullying 
• Low self-esteem
• Less confidence 
• A child growing up living like her/his abusive dad/mom. May even go beyond throwing abusing/offensive words to other people. 

You want your child to grow up and be a better person or your partner to be a better person, learn to do the following:

• Admire, encourage and be supportive of what she/he tries to do/accomplish
• Don't call her/him bad names
• Don't demean him/her
• Correct when she/he is wrong in a polite manner
• Discipline your child yes but in the midst of all don't be offensive/abusive.
• Applaud when she/he does well in something.

Let's stop this madness. 

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Author: Rachel Stephen
Joche Inspirational and Motivational Inc

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